Arrgh, let's not go to Prague

Don't trust a weatherman, even if she is pretty... Oh, and don't trust your own instinct either. That's what we were faced with this morning. The previous night, the delightful young lady on BBC World News said that the weather in the Czech Republic would be shite today, well, not quite in those worlds, but she suggested the rain would be severe. Having survived the horrors of Leipzig, and really it was awful, the prospect of going further east was not one that inspire whoops of joy nor wild outbreaks of ecstasy. The option of heading south was enticing, but Switzerland and Austria - to my mind anyway - are best enjoyed in the dead of winter. So booking out, I headed to Paulo, got in and with a heavy heart, asked Lilith to direct us to Prague. She was having none of it... she said she couldn't access her heavenly guides. At a loss, we pulled away and, maybe it was the overhead tramlines that were upsetting her, or it was the act of moving again that got her inspired, but not only did Lilith come up with all sorts of routes to take, but she also said that the most direct one was plagued by tollroads and might she take us around those. Well, there's no arguing with that and thus we had a very rural and scenic tour of East Germany and large tracts of undiscovered Czech Republic. Except, that is, by many, many truck drivers who drive ruthlessly down the narrow country lanes. Paulo wasn't awfully enamoured with the route and, with fond memories of the freedom of the Autobahn, went about the task of getting to the border sluggishly. Can't say as I blame him; the roads are full of potholes - although nothing as compared to those in the eastern Free State and various parts of Mpumalanga in South Africa. If east Germany was industrial and bland, then large tracts of the Czech countryside are worse. It's obscene really; all those glorious green fields interrupted frequently by large chimney stacks, huge square industrial buildings and more of those dreadful block-type apartment buildings. But then they disappeared... Hills formed and trees grew, the roads became curly-wurly, up and down. This inspired Paulo, who rev around corners and charge up the uphills with gusto. The usually taciturn Lilith was positively vocal in announcing every twist and turn, and the fact that the speed limit changed frequently had her ringing bells too. Then we arrived and since the currency changes (Czech, like the British are a member of the EU, but they're not Eurozone... dunno what that means exactly, but it does mean they have different money) Lilith directed us towards a hole-in-the-wall. Getting there was largely unsuccessful because roads were closed down and each time Paulo drove down another possible access route, Lilith kept screeching: 'Make a U-turn as soon as is possible'. Sure, Lilith doesn't screech, but after hearing that for the umpteenth time, it sounded a lot like it - heck, you'd swear we were married the way she goes on sometimes. Suffice to say that eventually we stopped as close as we could - because parking is impossible to find in this city - and I headed out on foot to find that the bank machine was bust. Resigned to failure, it was back to Paulo to ask Lilith for the nearest Hotel. Up came a 'Golden Tulip - Savoy' and memories of Gouda returned - we spent the evening of the 'Rotten-dam' episode in a Golden Tulip hotel and it wasn't totally dreadful, particularly since the service staff spoke English, even if the television didn't. And the wi-fi was free (or as free as can be considering the price of the room). Paulo drove us, under Lilith's direction, to the hotel and... Wow! The room is 25 metres long, true's Bob; I did giant John Cleese-like steps across it and they definitely come to twenty-five. In between these steps is a desk - at which I am penning this, a double bed that looks king-sized, a television cabinet with a telly in it that shows Sky News (I haven't bothered channel searching any further, it's just good to hear proper English again and can scarcely wait for to wake up to Eamonn and Charlotte for Sunrise), a conference table with eight chairs around it, two wardrobes and two bathrooms (the one has the the bathing facilities in it and the other the toilet-type facilities in it). All of which is very nice. Then it was off to town. It's exactly like Leipzig in the same way that chalk is to a cherub. If Hamburg was romantic, then this place is indubitably hanky-panky, and not just because of the obscure museum to sex machines exists in one of its back alleys. It's because of all of its back alleys. The place is a labyrinth of narrow streets inter-linking larger thoroughfares, and at every turn is another significant feature - invariably a church; because there's lots of them, each with a higher and more ornate steeple than the former. The cherub mention was not for sake of wit, but rather that there are many, many cherubs around this city... truly, they abound. Iconic cities, by my reckoning, can be identified by the number of 'tourist' shops they have - you know, those little places in which teaspoons, plates and saucers with landmarks imprinted upon them, and cuddly-toys stitched in the shape of local icons, are sold. Prague has many of these, more than Edinburgh for sure and almost as many as exist around London's most iconic centres (interestingly, there were none, absolutely zero, that were obvious around Hamburg). But the shops here are a little different; instead of British flags and Union Jack underwear, these shops have marionettes. You've never seen so many marionettes in your life and they take the form of everyone you've ever imagined - here there's Hitler, there there's Charlie Caplin; and here there's whatsitsname who currently runs Russia... I didn't see Boris Johnson though. And yeah, that's it. Prague is gorgeous. You'll love it, make a booking soon. Me, I'm going to hit the sack - in that gloriously-large king-sized bed. Tomorrow it's Serbia. Oh heck, didn't they have a war there recently? I'll have to wait to hear what the weather-girl predicts, lest we find another way to get around and into Romania!